I had commuted to Manhattan for over a year on the Long Island Railroad and it was wonderful to be able to get into Manhattan in under an hour riding the subway. The trip from Long Island took me two hours.
I spent the first few months facing some of my fears. Some of the fears were ones I created for myself and others were fears that were given to me by a well-meaning friend from Long Island. She told me, “never ride the subway” and “never be in Manhattan after dark.”
I could understand how riding the subway could be a scary thing, but I always wondered why I shouldn’t be in Manhattan after dark. Is that when all the werewolves and vampires come out?
I suppose I could have avoided riding the subway by taking the bus, but I think that would have been a pain. I dealt with some of my fear of the subway by running up the stairs when I arrived to my destination. I figured it was harder to hit a moving target and if there were any would be muggers, I wanted them to work for it if they were planning on mugging me.
Working in Manhattan, I met one of the best friends that I’ve ever had in my entire life. She was the first person that I had met in New York that I felt accepted me without judgment. Hanging out with her also helped me to explore parts of Manhattan that I had never been too. She lived in the East Village and we spent a lot of time down there together. It is still one of my favorite places. It seems far away from the madness that is around the places in Manhattan that tourists flock to like Times Square and the area where Macys is.
I hung out with my friend, but I also spent a lot of time walking around Manhattan on my own. I loved to walk and take pictures. I would stop at various places along the way and write down my thoughts in my journal. I wrote most of the poems that I had published while sitting in one place or another in Manhattan.
How did I find God in the streets of Manhattan? I found him in the love I felt for my friend. I found him in my solitude. I found him by observing nature and loving the trees and the flowers every spring when they come back to life after a long cold winter. I found him in the face of a homeless man named Larry.
The newspaper that I was working for moved their offices to Los Angeles and I wasn’t invited to go along. It broke my heart when I lost that job. It was my favorite job in my entire career. But life moves on whether we like it or not. So, it is easier to just go with the flow of things and trust that God is leading us to something better.
I was working for a friend of mine in a shop on Canal Street that sold electrical equipment of all sorts. I loved the job because it was something that a woman doesn’t usually do. I don’t think that my friend thought that I would do as well as I did. That also made me happy. It always makes me happy when I prove someone wrong when they have already made a judgment about what I can or can’t accomplish.
I was in love with walking around Manhattan. I used to walk up Broadway following the path of the subway line that I rode all the time. Sometimes I would walk up one station stop and other times I would walk further. The furthest I ever walked was up to 59th Street and Lexington Avenue.
One thing that always made me sad was when I used to see homeless people. I tried to give to everyone that asked because that is one thing that Jesus said and I was trying to put what he said into practice. My mother once asked me, "What if they go and spend the money on drugs or alcohol." I told her that it was between them and God. I was doing what I thought was right.
One night after I left work and I was heading toward the subway, I saw a man with a hat standing in the traffic on Broadway, trying to get people to give him money. I walked over to where he was and I gave him a little money. He thanked me and asked God to bless me and I headed home.
I started seeing the same man on Broadway and on the train that I rode. I found out that his name was Larry. When I walked up Broadway, sometimes he would walk with me and he would tell me about his life before he was homeless. I would listen and give him whatever I could at the time so that he could get something to eat and find a place to sleep for the night.
We continued this way for months. It seemed I always saw him and we would always talk before he would move on to continue trying to get enough to take care of his needs for the day.
I left my job on Canal Street and went to work freelancing for a company near Grand Central Station. I didn’t see my friend Larry for about a year and a half because I wasn’t going downtown as much.
Then I found a job down near the World Trade Center and I was going downtown every day. I found Larry again and he was about the same and our relationship started over again. Whenever I saw him, I always talked to him and gave him whatever I could that day. Then I stopped seeing him. I thought about him, and I prayed for him whenever he came to my mind.
A year later I was heading over to a friend’s apartment in the East Village. There was a half-way house for men a few doors down from his apartment. I noticed a man standing up against a fence and then the man called my name. It was my friend Larry. He was staying in the half-way house and he was all cleaned up. I hadn’t recognized him until he called my name. He told me that he had stopped drinking and he was trying to turn his life around. I felt that this was another miracle in my life that God was showing me. No matter how bad things get, we can always turn things around.
A few months later I saw my friend Larry on the train again. He was living in Brooklyn somewhere but he still had to ask for money on the subway. I felt bad for him but I felt no judgment. He almost started crying when he saw me. I just smiled and starting talking to him and gave him what money I could. When I had reached my subway stop, and I was heading for the exit, he called after me and said he wanted to thank me. I asked him, “For what?”
I know what he wanted to thank me for though. I think I was one of the few people that took the time to see him as a human being and as a friend and brother. When we look at people who are down on their luck, we should never judge them. We should help them anyway that we can. I always think about my family. What if one of them was homeless? Would I just pass them by or throw money at them and keep walking? When you start looking at the world like we are all brothers and sisters, your heart changes also.
It has once again been a few years since I’ve seen my friend Larry but I still pray for him whenever he comes to my mind.
(To be continued....)
© Pamela Sawyer, 2012
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